I'm trying this new thing. When ever I'm writing about something that doesn't pertain to my day but is something that I've been thinking, I'll use the title, "Hoc meus veritas est" and I'll end it with, "That is my truth". That way you know that you don't have to read that part.
Thank you, the Management

Hoc meus veritas est
I tend to evaluate myself on a high standard. Actually, I know that I don't measure up to things. I'm a loser that way. There are a few things that I deem knowable by me. History, to a certain extent, I know. But still I subjugate myself to people that spew better understandings about things. Look, I know that I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, and since I know this, and because of this, I know my weaknesses. That's actually a good thing. The problem is that I don't know all my weaknesses. Along with everything is, these unknown factors are learned. There's no distinctions.

Take questions for example. People tend to think that I know something. I hate to admit it but there are times I feel like the stupidest person in the world. Simple things I can't comprehend. I have to keep reminding myself that there's a reason why I'm in college. It's not a flook. My insecurities don't stop there. There are many more.

I don't know if subjecting myself to "higher-up's" is some Army (ROTC)residual teaching or Mexican upbringing, but it tends to make me the underdog. The problem is that I like being the underdog. I love having to fight myself out of things even if it's the hard way. You don't know what I know and what I'm capable of. Supposedly, I've been told that I do more before 7:00am than most people. That was a while ago. Now, I'm just trying to survive a world I find strange. I have this feeling that there's something out there where I'm supposed to be; something I'm supposed to be doing. But something else tells me to bide my time because it's not my time.

Another thing, I tend to stutter when I'm nervous or unsure of myself. I've noticed that I do that a lot now. I think faster than my mouth can interpret. I just hope it's that simple. I really don't know the last time I didn't do it. It's been to long.

I tend to jump into the fray of things; head first. Anyway, I like spontaneity, but I hate disorder. The problem is that when I'm asked for help, I'm afraid of giving the wrong answer. It's not the wrong answer but the fact that the person asking the question will have to answer for it later. I hate feeling that a person will have to answer for my f*ck up. I do things that get me in trouble and that's fine. I can deal. But when someone else has to explain my answer, they shouldn't have to do that. If I've ever given you a wrong answer, let me know. I want to learn, not to be right, but to gain some knowledge. I love being wrong to.
That is my truth