My desires center on my survival. Not even that, because I've been given some freaky conscious that I feel pain when others don't. So actually, my survival center on the people around me. I feel what others should feel. I suppose it can be a gift, to be able to feel what others should, but at times it weighs heavily on me and I hate the fact that I MAY BE projecting my own feelings. How can a person truly feel what others "should be feeling"? That's insane!

There's one thing I know about this world and that is that it is what it shouldn't be. It could be so much simpler. Then again, it is what it's supposed to be. We are who we are supposed to be, but why? They are who they are supposed to be! I interpret things the way I'm supposed to. They live life the way I want to live. What's the difference? What's the factor that makes us different? Matt was having a discussion about Wittenstein (I say Matt was having the discussion because I am no where near the understanding level that he is no matter how hard Matt tried to help me understand). He said that the way we describe pain is the same way as if we give a group of people small boxes with different things in those boxes and tell them it is a beetle. The group of people are supposed to describe the beetle referring only to what's around the beetle, not what the actual object is that's within the box. Remembering the Wittenstein thing actually made me forget my point. Anyway, if we say that we understand things that are nothing more than vague descriptions of things we are TOLD are things, how can there be true empiricism? How can people really say that through knowledge we can understand? Doesn't that make books and knowledge antiquated? (actually, I just wanted to use the word antiquated in a sentence..) If true knowledge is something other than what we are trying to understand through the use of words and phrases, shouldn't we be looking somewhere else?

Is the word love any different? What does the "idea of love" really refer to? Is there feelings involved in the whole thing? Shit, nothing but questions and no answers! Are these even the right questions to be asking? My thought process is so old. I have a one track mind when others around me tend to view things with a little more objectivity. When it comes to me, well that's obvious, I'm subjective. So, since I'm subjective and my survival centers around the people around me, have I ever truly felt the feelings I say I've felt or has it all been nothing more than an illusion?