I'm sitting here at work, wishing I was one of these machines that I'm surrounded by. I wish I was unfeeling, followed commands without prejudice and functioned without remorse. The only thing they need is power and a cold room. They thrive on these two essential things. They don't feel and they don't disobey. The only reason they would faulter is because of a conflictual command stroke. All that an operator would have to do is find that command and delete it, or fix it.

Instead, I'm human with human qualities. Emotions, feelings, desires, et cetera. I'm done asking why. It gets me no where. It gets me nothing. This world that I have tried to make sense through theology, at first amounted to nothing. I tried philosophy and nothing, yet again. Is not the strength within us to succeed or fail? What does God or Aristotle or Nietzesch have to do with anything? I sit here and all I hear are the words I heard a while back, that the only reason people feel overwhlemed is because they have no faith in God. I thought I had faith in God, but if I'm drowning...if I'm overwhlemed, I must not have faith. That is what was said. Where did it go? I always thought I had it, but come to find out, I have none. There has always been one truth for me, but it seems that that truth was not real. I'm living in a fantasy...in an illusionary form of life that I used to call truth. I sit here and think (another curse). I sit here and try to get myself out of trouble. Will it work?

I shall finish the game! I shall finish the game!!!

well, i had an exciting thirty minutes. i got to work, here at the planetarium, and the projectors weren't turning on the way they are supposed to. there almost wasn't an 11am show because nothing seemed to be working. then, in through the window, flew superme and saved the day. just like all the action movies, in the nick of time, one by one, i got the projectors up and running. it was 11am when i started to let people in to see their show. jesus is great:)

ps- my life is being flushed down the financial toilet and all i can do is smile and be courteous. thank you matt. you sir are one of the greats amongst the titans.

so my academic career is at a close. i finally finished my thesis and have recieved a grade of A- for my troubles. it was such an impossible task to accomplish, yet, i sit here an accomplished individual. what do i do now? what will i become having gone through my ordeal and come out the other end of my struggles victorious?

i can now say that i have obtained a masters degree. i can now say that i have mastered my academic life, but what does that prove in the real world? what does that actually say about a person but that he can be literate? i sit here, doubtful of my future. i sit here and contemplate my existence. i have entered a world i know little or nothing about and i have entered it heavy heartedly.

i shall finish the game. i shall finish the game...

ah, lord have mercy on our souls!

anyway, just one of those afternoons. i wish i wasn't at work. i wish i didn't have outrages debt. i wish for a lot out of life, none of which has come true. i was listening to a priest last night about how people who feel overwhelmed have no faith in god because if they had faith, they would put their worries aside and put them in the hands of god. well, i don't see god paying my bills. all i see is that i'm in debt up to my a** and i'm on the verge of getting a second job. i let things get out of hand. i let things snowball. i'm not placing blame on anyone or any thing. it's all mine. i just wish i could catch my breath.

my thesis is not yet complete. i've been at work every f*cking day of this passed week that i've had no time to work on it. my advisor told me that there were minor changes; things that i could handle. he didn't tell me how many minor changes there were in the blasted thing. it's atleast a couple of days worth of reading and analysing. i'm burning out because...well, that's not important. i just need to win the lottery.

i'm on an emotional rollercoaster. i can't seem to catch my breath. one minute i'm up, sky high and the next, SPLAT!, i'm face down on the pavement.

"i hear in my mind, all this music and it breaks my heart
it breaks my heart,
it breaks my heart"

Is it supposed to be ironic that music in her head breaks Regina Spektor's heart? It's a funny, jolly happy video, but I don't quit understand the concept behind the song Fidelity.

So how has everyone been doing as of late? Not bad, I hope. How are finals treating you all that have them and how is work for those of you who have jobs? Ahh, life!

Niestchez doesn't do it for me. When I read Thus Spoke Zathura, that said something to me. Now, Nietschez says nothing interesting. Have I gone passed that phase in my life? Does he only speak to all at some point in their lives? Maybe Zathura was the only interesting book he wrote for those amateur philosophers like myself. In any case, I'm still going to try to finish the book I have and I'll get back to you all about how it went. Back to work, ladies and gentlemen.