So it's official. I got the "career" oriented job. I just signed the acceptance papers and all that's left is for me to mail them out. I have to talk to the museum people and tell them that I will not be taking their position. I hope I get business cards at this new place.

So this is the first time that this has happened to me. I have, in my pocket, a chance of two jobs. Actually, one has career potential, and the other is a step towards having, Mon. - Fri. & Weekend's off, hours. The pay is adequate, but I don't foresee fulltime status anytime soon. The other "career oriented" place comes in the shape of a second interview. I've never had one of these before so I have absolutely no idea what to expect. I was warned that if I got a call back, I would be meeting with the head-honchoes. It's a fulltime position with benefits, but it's out of town and the comute would suck eggs. I'm supposed to give my two weeks notice tomorrow for the parttime job. My interview for the fulltime job is Thursday. Should I let the parttime job people know that there may be no need to hire me or should I play coy? I don't want to start a position where, if things go well during my interview, I'll just have to leave two weeks after I start. Talk about a self-esteem boost. I have two places that actually are interested in me. I have my doubts about things, though. I'm anxious about things, as well. Which would be the most prestigious? Which would bring me more money? Which, if failed, would cost me a lot? Which, if suceeding, would bring me more? I'm scared, not about the jobs, although I am kind of aprehensive, but about the change. I don't know if it's for the better or for the worst. I can't see the future and that is scary. Most people would say this is a weakness, but I see it as cautionary. There is always the possibility for failure and as long as you can see this, you can steer away from it. I like knowing everything about where I'm getting my self into. It's not all exciting and different. At least, it shouldn't be all about excitment. I'll be expected to be grown-up (if the interview goes well). I'll be given a tremendous burden to carry without remorse, expecting me to be mature about it. Can I be this person? Can I be what needs to be in order to get things done? Things happen for a reason. My time at St. Thomas was supposed to teach me to teach. I was focused on teaching. Neither position is a teaching position. They are something other. What happens. I guess we'll see!

i can't beleive that what i just experienced here at work actually happened! i'm freaking amazed! well, i'm in the planetarium. the last show just ended at there was an anxious toddler. he wasn't even as bad as all that. believe me, i've seen worse. anyway, the mother took him out to the little back room to wait for the show to finish. the reason i know this is because during the end credits, i walk out the side of the tech room and open the main doors to start allowing people in. anyway, as i open the doors leading to the dome area, i heard people arguing about noise. a couple had attacked the father for having a "loud" son. what i loved most was that the other people had responded to the attack on the father and were defending him. you could see that the man was angry but he was holding it back because his younger son was at his side. you would think that people would have said something about the noise but they told that other couple that if they couldn't handle the supposed noise, they would escort them to the box office to get their money back. AWESOME!!! people amaze me sometimes. sometimes they give me that special feeling that mankind can actually be kind and understanding and not obnoxious. i went to the box office and warned the leads what was about to happen. i asked for a couple of planetarium vouchers and hurried to the man, his wife and his kids and gave them the handfull of vouchers and apologized. if he didn't have tickets to the museum proper, i would have excorted his family into the special exhibits. hell, if those other people who defended him were there as well, they all would have gotten into the museum free. how can people come to the museum and expect to find a childless environment. i joke about school kids having to be at home, but even i know it's my own wish and that it's impossible. anyway, YEAH MANKIND. BOO IGNORANCE!!!!

so what can i say? haven't been feeling all that up to writing in this thing. i fealt as if i should, though. so many things are writhing in my mind. none of which are useful to me. my life seems so pointless now without classes to go to. i think i've reached my midlife and as of now, it's involved in a crisis.

i'll be 30 this year and what do i have to show for it?! not really a question. it's more of an exclamatorial outcry. that's all i do now: make up words that mean nothing and that cannot be qualified as an achieving dictate. i'm probably missusing all these words and i really don't care. that's another part of my diluge: i feel so unimportant that i just stopped caring about what i know or don't know. i haven't written anything in so long that i feel i've squandered all i had to write on unnecessary usage. i've written a capstone and a thesis. i've written countless research papers and essays. to what point? to what purpose did i suceed at these things except to get a passing grade. they got me nowhere. i'm hear at this job because a i knew someone who had status. i'm sitting in this room, surrounded by sensitive computer systems only because of necessity. they needed someone and i was there. i've applied to so many jobs but no experience and no skills tend to leave me playing catch-up to the rest. where is the foot-in-the-door that an education was supposed to give me? answer that and you'd probably get a place in heaven.