Hoc meus veritas est
You know, I sit here wanting that dare to be all moment where I'm the greatest above all. We all know that will never happen. Sometimes I sit here and wonder why I'm still here I'f every time I think about getting old, I freak. I'm almost thirty and I've done just about everything I'm going to do for the rest of my life. That's another thing I'm worried about. I don't want to be in Houston for the rest of my life. I don't want to amount to nothing. I don't want to be like the drones that pass their happiness up because they have to. I WANT A CHOICE!!! I'm scared that I'm nothing more than just ordinary and that all my dreams are nothing more than images I give myself just to make me feel better before I go to sleep, and will make me want to wake up the next freaking morning. Things that we tell children to make them feel better. I also don't want to be a synic. "I know that I don't know" is a catchie phrase but what does it really say about me. Does it mean that I can accept my flaws? Does it mean that I'm more intelligent for knowing that I don't know a lot about one thing? If that's the case, then what good am I? I want to go to Notre Dame but do I actually have what it takes to get in, and if I do, enough to remain? Jezzz, people are picking universities right now because they have many to choose from. I'm just looking for one that will accept me. I'm not humbling myself, I'm being realistic.
And at this point, reality is beating the crap out of me.
I actually thought that I was going to make at least an A- in Irish history, try to imagine the look in my face when I saw a B staring back at me. I would have had to make a fucking low grade on my final to fuck up that bad. It's my fault, I expected to much. I still have two classes left. If I did this bad in Irish History, I can only imagine how bad I did for Arthurian Legends. I probably screwed that up too. I'm disappointed with myself. I can't say I tried my best. I can't even say I tried. I can't even write a good story anymore. Damn me.
That is my truth
You know, I sit here wanting that dare to be all moment where I'm the greatest above all. We all know that will never happen. Sometimes I sit here and wonder why I'm still here I'f every time I think about getting old, I freak. I'm almost thirty and I've done just about everything I'm going to do for the rest of my life. That's another thing I'm worried about. I don't want to be in Houston for the rest of my life. I don't want to amount to nothing. I don't want to be like the drones that pass their happiness up because they have to. I WANT A CHOICE!!! I'm scared that I'm nothing more than just ordinary and that all my dreams are nothing more than images I give myself just to make me feel better before I go to sleep, and will make me want to wake up the next freaking morning. Things that we tell children to make them feel better. I also don't want to be a synic. "I know that I don't know" is a catchie phrase but what does it really say about me. Does it mean that I can accept my flaws? Does it mean that I'm more intelligent for knowing that I don't know a lot about one thing? If that's the case, then what good am I? I want to go to Notre Dame but do I actually have what it takes to get in, and if I do, enough to remain? Jezzz, people are picking universities right now because they have many to choose from. I'm just looking for one that will accept me. I'm not humbling myself, I'm being realistic.
And at this point, reality is beating the crap out of me.
I actually thought that I was going to make at least an A- in Irish history, try to imagine the look in my face when I saw a B staring back at me. I would have had to make a fucking low grade on my final to fuck up that bad. It's my fault, I expected to much. I still have two classes left. If I did this bad in Irish History, I can only imagine how bad I did for Arthurian Legends. I probably screwed that up too. I'm disappointed with myself. I can't say I tried my best. I can't even say I tried. I can't even write a good story anymore. Damn me.
That is my truth
posted by Crescamus in Christos at 12/17/2004 10:07:00 AM
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