andres leaves for vermont on the 3rd. good luck, andres. we'll pray for your saftey. you know how dangerous they can be up there.

i was at work earlier and i started thinking about the aimlessness and unfocused life i'm leading. i started thinking about the time i had first gone to one of those christian churches where everone got into singing and glorifying god. how is it that people can get right by accepting christ at one of these functions? at least, how would i be able to have that kind of blind faith? when i see a group of people chanting and singing, i see mass hysteria. i remember i felt some kind of twinge in my gut when i attended, but now i see it as nothing more than a psychological experience where the excitement of the many excites the individual. is this god? is it the holy ghost? is it what i ate the day before?

the reason i brought it up is because of the whole aimlessness i'm feeling. i don't see myself attending another one of those churches mainly because of the way i understand them. so many people have stories of finding christ and changing the direction in their lives. were they looking for something that this church had? or were they susceptible to the illusion? i beleive myself to lead a somewhat adequate life. i'm not a murderer. i did my fare share of illegal acts in my past, but nothing that would affect society or an small business. i can say that i'm nice to dogs and cats, having only kicked one, i must confess. it was when i was a little kid and i was a terror. i felt bad about it. i looked for the animal afterward to make sure it was okay, but he ran away, making me feel a little better. i help people in need (matt and andy can attest to their bewilderment). what can i say, i'm a sucker for the downcast. i try to help the guys asking for money on the side of the road. you know, money for their beers. i treat women with utmost respect (except when i gok. matt and andres can attest to this). i give without asking, i appreciate what i get (i think) and i understand that the world may be crappy, but not all people are crappy. so, is this a good person? at times, i may need comfort but it doesn't mean i'm going to require it.

in all, why do i feel this way and why is it that people can find it easily? what do they find and why can't i find it? all pointless questions, i guess.