Fuck! Part 2

Last night at work I remembered an incident when I was a kid that I couldn't believe jumped into my head.

I've lived in H-town all my life. I have an older sister that currently lives in SA-town, but as a kid lived with our maternal grandmother in EP-town. During summer, mom and I would take a greyhound to EP-town for several weeks.

This one summer, my sister was dating this guy who invited us to a party for some kid. It seemed like fun, but I don't know if you know me or not, but I'm an introvert. Mostly, I'd rather keep to myself. Anyway. So, there was a party and there was a piñata, there was also candy, cake, food...you know, yada yada yada. Anyway. I decided to take a turn at the piñata. It was claustrophobic. Not that it was indoors, but that there were people all around. All eyes were on me as I inched myself closer to the piñata. I was an akward kid. Heavy set, spoiled, unsure.

I thought maybe I could change my life with a swing of a stick. If I could burst that piñata open for the attendees, they would rejoice and love me. They would carry me on their shoulders and I would be victorious! They would hear of my exploits in PA-town on the other side of the Big River and they would know my name.

So, I walked up to the donkey piñata and took a stance. I eyed the beast and the fear in its one paper eye filled me with confidence. I thought everyone has been trying to swing at the monster to no avail. I had to try something different. So, I decided to "chop" at my foe. I waited, patiently. I waited for my one chance, my one opportunity for greatness.  The moment came! CHOP! A solid hit! And a sudden cry from a child.

To my astonishment, surprise and mortification, the stick hit the party boy on the fucking head! I was horrified. My delusions of grandeur dashed in a cry of pain. All I could do was hope to be lost in the throngs of people that had suddenly enveloped me trying to sooth and comfort the boy.

I think back and wonder, you have to be special to walk by a piñata when someone is standing there with a big stick. But, at the same time, it was a defining moment in my life. I can't seem to do right by people. I can't even do right by me. I'm still that little fuck up that chopped instead of swung. Who chops at a piñata anyway!?