so what can i say? haven't been feeling all that up to writing in this thing. i fealt as if i should, though. so many things are writhing in my mind. none of which are useful to me. my life seems so pointless now without classes to go to. i think i've reached my midlife and as of now, it's involved in a crisis.

i'll be 30 this year and what do i have to show for it?! not really a question. it's more of an exclamatorial outcry. that's all i do now: make up words that mean nothing and that cannot be qualified as an achieving dictate. i'm probably missusing all these words and i really don't care. that's another part of my diluge: i feel so unimportant that i just stopped caring about what i know or don't know. i haven't written anything in so long that i feel i've squandered all i had to write on unnecessary usage. i've written a capstone and a thesis. i've written countless research papers and essays. to what point? to what purpose did i suceed at these things except to get a passing grade. they got me nowhere. i'm hear at this job because a i knew someone who had status. i'm sitting in this room, surrounded by sensitive computer systems only because of necessity. they needed someone and i was there. i've applied to so many jobs but no experience and no skills tend to leave me playing catch-up to the rest. where is the foot-in-the-door that an education was supposed to give me? answer that and you'd probably get a place in heaven.