I'm in the computer lab right now. I've been on campus since about 6:30am. Do you know that I went to sleep at 2:00am and got nothing done? If you do, then you know me better than I know myself. I had Lisa read a story I was going to send into a contest yesterday. I had been meaning to, but I always talked myself out of it. Anyway, She said it was good. Some mistakes, but nothing graphic. I don't think I'm going to do it. I wanted it to grab someones emotions. I wanted it to make someone feel what I beleived the story should have made people feel. It didn't seem like it did that. I'm too critical of my work, I know this, but nothing will stop me from being overly critical. I just don't think it was good enough for the contest that millions of others, some better some worse than I, were sending works into. It's alright. I just have to do better. Don't get me wrong, I'm not giving up. My mind is full of crap that doesn't let me sleep at night because it keeps wanting me to channel it into a keyboard and out on screen. It's a lot more vivid in my mind than in my writing style. Maybe because I already have the characters images in my mind. I know exactly what they look like and how they move that if I try to write it down, I bomb it. I just try too hard. Anyway, I have to go to class now and learn something. As soon as I remember what the class is, I'll let you know how it went.

*Post Script - In reference to my Philosophy paper, well, lets just say I averaged, and in reference to my Archaeology test, I made a B+ and I made an A on my Archaeology presentation on Spartan Artifacts. That's all and thank you for playing "How Jesus fairs in college." You'all cum bak now, ya'hear!!!

3/4th of DLC spent several great hours at Minute Maid Park. It was a great ending for the Astros. If only they would have played like that for the last two games, or so I'm told because me and baseball don't get along. It's more the lack of understanding the game. For example, Em-J had to teach me about batting averages. She took several seconds from her enjoying the game to tell me about what they are and how they work[That's so great of her.]

Did you know that the UST baseball team played a game today? Neither did I! While waiting for Em-J to pick us up for the game, I saw several guys with baseball gear on. When Em-J got to Crocker Center, she asked if there was a game. Can you believe it? She didn't know either!!! My God! What is this world coming to.

We had great seats. [In case you haven't grasped the pattern, everything was GREAT except for Matt not attending. We'll get him for that!] I was in Section 110, Row 6, seat 18. Basically, we were on Row 6. I caught an astros soft ball that they were throwing into the stands during pauses in the game. There were five Home-Runs hit! I'm giving you the short version because the whole version would be too difficult for me. All I can remember (And that's because I checked ESPN.com) is the score: Astros 8 and Brewers 5.

I had fun! And Em-J, when I twiddle my thumbs like that it's more of a nervous curiosity rather than bordem. Thanks for the Uoo's & Auhh's.

I hate vibes, man. Hate is such a "anglo-saxon guteral word".(Buffy) Mabye 'strong dislike' of vibes is better suiting. It's the feeling that there's something there. I just wish we could go around and tell people what we were really thinking, instead of walking around and wishing that we really could say what we wanted to. Instead, vibes is what I rely on and at times, they are strong. It's like a steel wall that is rising around you, not letting any sunlight in and slowly falling upon you. Don't get me wrong, at times it can be breath-taking. You feel the sun and the moon and the universe caress you and you understand the language that the world is using to speak to you. But when that wall is falling on you, it's suffocating. It makes you want to scream into darkness and hope that you hear the echo returning your plea. I like to beleive that I'm waiting for the world to speak, but I'm not sure if I'm waiting for it or the echo.

I just recieved the most unexpected phone call. A cousin of mine from Eagle Pass gave me a call just to see how the family here in Houston is doing. With everything going on here, I almost forgot that I had family outside of Houston. That's so sad of me. I'm a bad person. Anyway, he and the rest of the family is doing well. He's starting his own Landscaping business and since Eagle Pass is the smallest growing city in Texas, he's got it made. I'm just worried about going down there for a visit because he may put me to work, and we all know how lazy I am[HAHAHA]. Well, back to the salt mines[library]. I have to get back to sleeping on the job and making long distant phone calls.

It was a sunny day when it happened. It couldn't be believed. The shock was sudden and painless, the way it was said it would happen, yet no one beleived till it did happen. What could be said, if anything could be said at all! Everyone gazed drearily at the sight, wondering what was to become of the world. Would there be change? Would themselves be affected by the transaction that took place?

On the opposite side of reality sat a magical creature. He watched from his window, laughing and grasping his peanut butter and jelly sandwitch but spilling his drink on the floor, which made him laugh even more. He slapped his thigh and held his stomach as he rolled on the dirty floor. He picked up the phone and called a friend who was watching it all play out from his balcony, but neither could speak because the laughter grew louder and more intense.

Understanding came slow back in the material world. The shock slowly drifted away and people went about their business and busy day. The questions were still there, festering in an uncertain realm, wanting an answer that no one gave or recieved. It was more difficult for them to smile at each other after that, as if they were responsible for a crime that they didn't want to be reminded of. But still, the question circled in their minds: Why Creamy?

*Warning: Not responsible for any significant drop in IQ level.

I feel like a little worm on a big f*cking hook The Crow

Well, well, well. Todays pretty easy going. I didn't go to PT this morning because I didn't feel up to it. No excuse, I know, but when you don't want to do something, it's very hard to force yourself to go out and do it.

I attended a lecture at the Museum of Natural Science. It had to do with Mummies and forensic sciences. Pretty cool, but I think we have to give credit to the lecturers. They made a great presentation, acting like high school students. You could tell they loved their job. I wish I was like that when it came to public speaking. Hell, the guys went for an hour and a half and didn't even seem like they grew tired. I liked the fact that they hit on some points that I knew. Can you beat that!! I actually learned something in Archaeology!!

*Post Script= "No Doz" BAD. I had a bad reaction to it yesterday. With four cups of coffee and three "No Doz" in my system, my mind felt like it was about to cave in on itself. I had to get up from the table at Jason's Deli and walk some of it off. I think I may have scared Mary, Crystaline and Harmony. Matt just thinks I'm an idiot for ever having taken them in the first place. I was extremely anxious and my mind and heart were going a mile a minute, but my mind wasn't thinking anything. It was in shock! So, for further reference [since I am a reference assistant], No "No Doz". JUST SAY NO!!

The forest was dark when it came to this section of woods and shrubs that defended it against the light from without. It never grew warm or bright, just dark and dreary for as far back as memory served. On a special day a small shadow peered from around a tree within this section of forest and giggled. It was trollish in stature, but elfish in appearance with pointy ears and a pointy hat, of which only the silhouette could be seen. The small creature frolicked in the dark and dreary woods without a care in the world. It wasn't known what IT was, but it was known IT was there among the willow trees and majestic oaks. Slowly at first, but daring towards end, IT slipped out into the brightness of day and flinched from the light. IT slowly opened its eyes and stared at the fields of swaying greens and browns on the ground, and swift moving whites on blue high above. It felt fear rush up its spine. IT had lived so long under the thick canopy of forest, protected from Sun and Moon and stars alike, that IT didn't know what the emptiness was, only that it wasn't the closeness of trees shrouding him in motherly concealment. IT shuddered and scurried for the safety of the forest and cried for the light to die out, but it never did. It was said that IT returned to the forest, wounded and defeated by the light, but still others said that the section of woods and shrubs was never as dark and dreary as they had remembered before, and as memory served, they could recall a soft giggle coming from behind those willow trees and majestic oaks.

Weekends over, NOOooo!!!
It didn't last as long as I wanted it to, but when was I ever in charge of time?! I got nothing done. Not that I tried. I tried not to get anything done. Mostly I slept. But when has that ever been a waste of time?
Yesterday I went to Northwest Mall and accomplished my good deed for the year. That's good because the year was almost up. While driving home I came across a backpack laying on the side of the feeder for 610. I assumed that the bag came from someone who's car had been broken into, so I stopped and basically ransacked the bag for intel. I called the number in the St. Pius (St. Piux) organizer but no one answered. [Didn't Matt go there?] Anyway, I picked up all the wet books from the muddy ground and put them in my trunk and drove home. I called the number again from home and I informed the guys father that I had found his stuff. Anyway, to make the rest of the story short, we met at the old KMart on 18th Street and I handed him the backpack. His son was playing a game (he's a football player) at the stadium by Northwest Mall and had a bad hit and was rushed to the hospital. To add insult to injury, his car was broken into while it remained at the parking area of the stadium. Talk about a sucky weekend. Aside from wet books, the guy had good taste in books. He had a copy of Lord of the Rings "Fellowship of..." Funny thing is that this book was the only dry one in the wet bag. Believe it? Believe it or not!

"Underworld" was good, but I think it was the company I shared that made it a great night. Vampires vs. Werewolves is a concept that I had never seen, only heard of. Besides, Kate looks great in black.

"IHOP" minus the "I" was fun. Our 3/4th DLC excursion had a David cameo during the latter half of our adventure. It's a good thing that the adventure was called off because the coffee was wearing off.

I hope the rain outside doesn't affect the Rugby game going on at this moment.

We've been having some supernatural problems here at the apartment. Well, I should start from the beginning. When mom and I first moved in, we heard calling out from outside our windows. It only lasted for a couple of nights, but when I'd go check it out (Scared as hell), I wouldn't find anything or anyone. Now, at night, we have a nock at the door but when we ask who it is, no one is there. We've calculated that it would take someone really fast to get from the front door to the corner of the buildings in about 30 seconds or at least make a noise as they ran up the stairs. That's just if it's kids playing around. Mom has opened the door right after hearing a nock and no one is there. Last night it happened to me. I was awkened to a nock at the door, but the thing is that I was in the living room and I didn't hear foot steps, rushing away or otherwise. I woke up this morning and mom told me she had found a cigarette on the sofa. The only cigarette of hers that I took, I smoked and that was when I walked in at about 1245am. I never went for a second one.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you that she's heard me walk in in the mornings when I actaully haven't walked in. She says she hears my keys at the door (She hears the clang of my dog tag strike the door knob) and she feels me walk to my room and then back out again. That one is creepy.

But the moment I hear, "GET OUT!!!", I will not stick around and wait for the room to get cold or ,HELL, I won't wait for the room to get cool. I'd run through one of these thin walls if need be.

Test over! Paper turned in! Weeee!!!!

Christy left me some post-it's on my car showing me she's a great friend. She's been worried about the lack of sleep I've been giving myself and ussually around her, I feel like crap and I probably give her that kind of attitude. That is totally my fault and she doesn't deserve that. Especailly after todays gesture. Now I just feel more like crap for feeling like crap.

Mary and I went to Cafe Artiste and shared a brownie. It was nutty-chocolaty delicious. I'm just glad to have made it through to the weekend. Have a great weekend, eveybody

What a world, what a world!
When once we laugh and twice we curled.
Washing envy from our skin.
Wanting nothing more than win.

What a world, what a world!
Going towards that which hurled.
Mousy looks and tender laughs.
Cutting chicken into halves.

What a world, what a world!
Watching flags as they unfurled.
One for all and all for one.
Eating donuts just for fun.

It's an easy game! Fantastic to the eyes.
Nothing looks the same! Only one defies.

Well, I've been up for 26 hours minus 20 minutes that I dosed off during "Stir of Echoes" at about 2:30 am. I'm still going strong, but we'll see how long the coffee rush will last, I don't know. I had a paper in Philosophy due yesterday and didn't even know it. Actually, I knew about the paper but the day the assignment sheet said it was due was wrong and since I'm constantly falling asleep in that class, I missed the correction the Professor made. It took me all night to read Confessions and write the paper. I think the paper is good but every time I think that a paper is good, I bomb it. So, I'm not holding my breath. I ussually write better when it's night time. I have absolutely no idea why. My Archaeology test is tomorrow. Christy gave me a copy of her tests from last semester which will give me an edge that I really need at this point. [Instead of being surpirsed by not knowing the format of the test, I can see what to expect from Christy's old tests, since she took Archaeology last semester.]
I'm thinking about skipping Public Speaking so I can study for tomorrows test, but I have SMART ME talking me into going. He's a bastard when it comes to being good. Well, tomorrow will be an interesting day. Actually, tonight at work will be interesting. I close with Matt and hopefully we both won't be falling asleep.

The Sun was high above and the clouds slowly sailed across the sky in a lazy fashion. They walked, hand in hand, through the park and around the playground just watching the day play out in its normal way. They watched the children run from swing to see-saw and back to swing. They saw an elderly couple sitting on a bench eating a sack lunch and watching the wind blow gently across the tall grass and the distant trees swaying unisonly to an unaudiable lullaby. They worried, but not of some measureless wrong that awaited them, but of the day slowly closing around them. Even with the Sun above, they felt the cold shutter of night creeping up on them from around the corner. But they went on. Their trek took them to the small pond on the edge of the park. Across the pond they saw children sailing boats with their fathers and mothers standing behind their children keeping vigilant for any accident that might rear its ugly face. Hand in hand, they watched. Step by step, they walked. Never saying a word, only watching and walking. Could they speak, or did they prefer not to, and just let the day play out? Did it matter? The day slowly closed and they went from hand in hand, to an embrace to protect each other from the cool air slowly growing colder. They watched the people at the park slowly walk away, leaving the park just a little more emptier each time. They evaporated like fresh dew on warm grass. Yet they remained, keeping their pace around the park till it was night and they could not be seen. Had anyone noticed them? They had walked all day, enjoying their time, smiling at the children who in turn smiled back. They walked to the ice-scream vendor and chatted with him as they ate their snow cones. Who were they? What were they? The night swallowed them and as mysteriously as they came to that park, they vanished. The next day that park was missing a certain feeling. The play that took place the day before, didn't have the same excitement that it had. The Sun didn't hang just right as the day before or the see-saw didn't totter just right as before. It seemed like the park was sad. But is it possible for a park to be sad? But in looking down the street, in the far distance, just out of sights range, you could see two figures walking hand in hand away from the park...

What can I say?! I'm at work, but not actually working. Lisa has me "Standing By" while the Circ. people go for the mail. So, that's exactly what I'm doing right now.
I was contemplating the soul several days ago. I was thinking about just the general jist of it all and I came to the conclusion that all theories that have been brought to light are wrong. [Talk about getting too big for your briches!!!]

I believe that the soul is many versions of the same thing. It is only the experiences that we encounter that makes them LOOK different. With each different soul, there are different aspects and qualities. Aspects are large definable emotions and qualities are those that are not definable. The soul is drawn to the aspects of a particular soul variation and so this explains soulmates and/or different types of people creating a friendship.

There is, I beleive, a demensional filter that catches souls and disperses the Aspects throughout the physical world. It's kind of like a particular catcher only catching fast balls but when it comes to slow ones, he chokes. Love, Hate, Courage, etc. are separated and grouped together. In turn, they can only be expelled from the filter by two's or else they are stuck until the closest resembling Aspect [with like qualities] can draw it from the filter.

Now, the reason that the soul and its Aspects answers the question about soulmates and different people creating a fellowship of the ring type of deal is because of the Aspects that rain down from the other demension. At a given time, different people are drawing different Aspects to them. From a soul variation, a person may get Love and another person may get Love as well, but with different qualities, from the same soul variation. Since the soul is always drawing on itself, it will draw these two different people together because of the Aspect that binds them.

Souls can react to their environment. The soul's purpose is to learn and inturn pass on information. In order to do so, it must [at times] change to fit a given situation. The Aspect will go dorment and allow another Aspect to take over only if the qualities remain in check. For instance,
Aspect = Love [dorment Aspect = Hate],
Qualities = like, strong will, strong character, and determination.
With these qualities the Love Aspect can go dorment and allow for Hate to become dominant Aspect, thus down playing Hate to create a warrior-like state of mind. If the mind can take the constant pressure, the qualities will keep strong Aspect in check, if not, the person will succumb to the new Aspect.

The constant pressure being discussed above refers to the constant bombardment of Aspects raining down on a person. Since only one Aspect at a time is being drawn to him/her, the problem comes from the differing qualities that are associated with the Aspects. Dominant Aspects tend to control the qualities, but at times a strong quality may create upheveal in a person. This creates the effect that people refer to as "mood swings". This condition may grow more intense or less only if the Aspect and other qualities can bring it into check.

And so ends my theory.

If I was to fly, where would I go?
Would it be high, or would it be low?

Changing directions and vertical flight.
Would I stop if land came within sight?

I do not know what I would decide.
But you'd be the first in whom I'd confide.

Goooo Celts!!

Something cheery I thought you'd all like.
I'm actually supposed to be writing a paper for Archaeology class. It's a paper and a presentation on Spartan artifacts of which I know nothing about except that it progresses with time. I'm a 3rd of the way through. I guess that's an accomplishment. I don't think I specified before that we are only two in the class. Nicole and I constitute the entire class AND GUESS WHAT? We are both left handers. Can you beat that! We are in a class that is left handed majority.

There was no Archaeology class for me today. I spent it at Diedrich's with my classmate Nicole. Our conversation consisted of Archaeology stuff and how we are ill prepared for our up-and-coming test on Friday. I'm not worried. Won't be the first time I'm going into a test half-cocked and it won't be the last. When it comes to tests, suspense always gets those juices flowing. I tend to work better under pressure. Tune in next time for the season finale of "Jesus' Archaeology Test".

When I was walking up the stairs,
I met a man who wasn't there.
Wasn't there again today,
I wish, I wish he'd go away.Identity

My lock in Jerabeck was cut. Is that a sign that I'm on my way out, or am I thinking like a Puritan? I hate finding signs in everything. My mind is constantly going that I can't remember if I'm real or not. The poem above is from Identity. I had to see it. Good movie, of which I will TRY not to discuss in this post.

Something happened this morning. I won't get into the details but I'm still worried about it.

Being the intellectual being that I am, I had decided when I got on campus to leave cracks in my windows so that I wouldn't have to get into a hot car. It was all right when I left my history class because the sun was out and everything. As I left Malloy after my Public Speaking class, it was raining. From the water in my car, I deduce that 90 percent of the rain that fell today, found its way in through the cracks in my window. SMART ME. Oh, that reminds me, I decided to accept multiple personalities into my life. I have SMART ME and STUPID ME. Ironically enough, SMART ME was in control and STUPID ME was still asleep.
I heard something during class today that sounded so funny. The Pequot Indian culture was almost wiped out in 1637 during the Pequot War. That's not the funny part. The professor made it sound like the Casino that their decendants have now make up for the almost annihilation of their ancestors way of life. Maybe it's just me. Yes, It's just me. The professor seems too cool to think like that. I was just sleepy enough to misunderstand the way they said certain things. I'm just evil and have evil interpretation of situations.
Well, it seems that there is an extra one, EVIL ME. None of which are actually good for anything. "I'm just good for nothing".

In all the shock of seeing the mysterious person from yesterday I forgot that I was hit in the right tempel by a strong armed elbow. I had trouble trying to wake up this morning. Should I worry?
Anyway, this mornings run hurt like hell. We were supposed to go for 3 miles, but instead [since I'm so slow and LAZY] I had to cut the run short. That's all right because I was huffing and puffing all the while. The part I feel sad about is when they started talking about LAB today. Do you know that I was on the roster for PS(Platoon Sgt.)? I would have been in Cougar Battalion heaven. Better luck next life.
Andy, Mary and I went to Bambalino's for dinner. I think we made Mary late for class. [Sorry Mary]
DLC was short by two do to unforseen difficulties. Actually, Em-J has a spanish test today. Good luck, although she has an advantage that only a select few have.
Thanks Andy for the use of the games. I played the 2nd one first and the woods part leading into the town was freaky enough without things walking up on you while you were in the town itself. The woman in the grave yard scared the crap out of me. Thanks, I always wanted to scream like a girl!

I actually thought that I was not going to have anything to write about today until I heard her voice. My heart skipped a beat.
It had been all summer since I had last seen her. She was going home to Turkey and to see family. I remembered the red hair pulled back in a pony tail and that smile she gets when she recognized me. My heart is still beating fast.
She had said once that she loved me, while she smiled and walked towards me. Granted, I was holding notes that she needed for Modern Philosophy.
I'll have to admire her from afar again.
I still remember when I first saw her walk into the library asking for reserve material for Dr. Jacobs. I sounded stupid when I thought she was a freshman. She's a graduate student which makes her about ten levels more intelligent than I. Anyway, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

We don't think OF one mind.
We ARE of one mind.
Together we can win the world.

Courage, Wisdom, Reason and Moral.
Four warriors traverse the world.
Separate, they faulter.
Together, they are complete.

Their swords are fire.
Their shields are impenetrable.
Their strength lies within them ,secretly concealed to all but themselves.
Even then they know not what they mean.
They see what each sees and speak of one tongue.
They find their voice in the shadow when no one can speak.

They ride at full gallop towards the Sunrise, awaiting the call.
Each in search of the other, wondering when the time will come.

The trumpet blows.
Three pillars of dust rise from the East, North and West.
Riding hard towards the center of the Sun.
With a smile, FATE waits for them at the cross roads.

Last night was great. Brasils, gameshow contestants and then bowling. Could you ask for a better night? I think not!

I wasn't actually a contestant but Em-J was and she won big. She walked away from the game with the DVD, "I'm gonna get u sucka". Donatelo and I were just the observers of the scholastic ritual. There was this one guy who I think was a ringer for the show itself. I've never seen one before, but there he was answering questions there were no answers for. But extreme fun was had and I was suprised that there were no beer bottles thrown at my head. I say that because I heard that it's fun to get hit in the head with a beer bottle. As long as it's not a 40oz., I'm happy.

Sorry if riding in my car scared you, Em-J. It's old and rikity, just like the owner. I guess I didn't help the fear any by saying that the brakes only worked when they wanted to. "Muchos desculpes. Perdon." OR "Pardon mio, s'il vous plait" Either way, we had fun and we LIVE!!! Matt, we weren't a complete set last night.

What about me?
Am I nothing but a pea?
On the land, or in the sea,
What am I supposed to be?

They sat on the ground, skipping pebbles on the lake. She turned to him and said the words above. He looked over his left shoulder and planted his feet on the grass and replied,
Worry you should not do.
End your suffering and begin anew.
Look at the sky and color it blue.
Being is living too.

She wondered what the words meant. She sat and looked at the sky proposed and lost her mind in the clouds so white. He watched her stillness as he gazed at the still water of the lake. The words came again.
What about me?
Am I nothing but a pea?
On the land, or in the sea?
What am I supposed to be?

They shrugged and walked away.

Well, I bombed my speech today. Thanks for the advice Em-J, but it seems that when it comes to implementing them, my mind looks at me like I'm crazy.

On a better note, Mary, Amanda and I went to Bambalino's for lunch. You know what they mean when they say, "It's better for people to think you're stupid then to open your mouth and remove all doubt." Well, I proved that statement right to Mary and Amanda. I've removed all doubt from their minds.

I guess I'll do better next time. The next speech is easier. It's an informative speech. I'm better when all you need is to give facts. As long as I have the ability to use paper instead of a 4x6 card.

Well, Andy talked me into it. Now I not only have to worry about public speaking, but I have a place to write down when and why I'm worried. I guess I can get rid of my journal now. Anyway, I'm not sure what I'm doing yet so bare with me. I'll have to get used to this before I can really get to work and really shock you all. Welcome to the workings of my mind. Enter at your own risk.