Fuck!

I just feel like things, my life, are spiraling out of control. I keep trying to catch my breath; keep trying to catch my footing, but it feels like I keep slipping.

I want to slow down my thoughts, to stop for a second, but there seems to be no avail. I wish there was someone to tell me I was on the right path. Or, someone to yell at me for being a fuck up.

This doesn't sit well with me, this solitary confinement. It's not solitude. Solitude is justifiable. It's a romantic notion for self-development. An awareness of yourself, your surroundings and the universe. Solitary confinement is where you go to punish your sins. Is that my life? Am I in prison? A self-deprecating act of remorse for my past sins?

I can't wish anymore. My prayers are answered just enough to keep me locked away. I feel like I'm drowning just below the surface of the water. My arms and legs fling in the air, but my face is just millimeters from the air.

I may not be who I was before, but I am an empty shell of who I was supposed to be.