Had "gilded age" tonight. it was a fun beginning. never thought i'd say that about one of his classes. anyway, spoke to him about my masters thesis. when i mentioned it to him, he was oddly surprised about me doing a thesis. it was almost as if he expected me to go the rout of not writing one. anyway, he completely liked my idea. he almost patted my shoulder. he also told me that he expected me to make an A in his class. i've gotten away with A-'s in his classes since i can remember. now, of all the semesters, he expects an A? i'm basically screwed. and just to turn the knife a little bit more, he finished with telling me that he would be disappointed if i didn't make an A. talk about nerve racking and pressure intense. i've never tried to achieve anything more than a B average for my Masters. i've made that a personal goal. it seems that he wants me to try this time around. that's my story and i'm sticking to it.

matt, i don't know how we will stop smoking tomorrow, but i'll smoke some of those two packs if it'll help. i'll try to finish my pack also. it seems that we should either quite or get emphysema from our ordeal.

what i heard in class today:
the lottery is the states success at imposing a tax on stupidity.

i heard other things but i was half awake. actually, i think i fell asleep somewhere in the middle of class. i heard enough philosophy to sustain my immaterial self until thursday. i'm on a spiritual diet.

a london chum is in "love and death". hope he makes the class more bearable.

my conscience is catching up to me. my mind is rushing with all. can't seem to stop it anymore. i used to be able to, but it seems that i've given up trying to. what does that mean? now i think about things that have been long since gone from the past, but are present in the mind. what shall i do?

yep, i was right. this class is going to suck ass.

class still hasn't started and these people have already gotten on my nuerves. i already now that one of these guys is an ass. "public opinion in america" seemed good at the time. i hope i like "love and death". i already know that "the gilded age" will kill me off. i wish there was a way to upload information straight into our brains. guess what movie that comes from. shit, teach is here. gotta goooo...

Number One = It is freaking hot and there's only a periodical cool breeze blowing. I'm about to melt. I think it's the coffee.

Classes start today. Bumped into American History Professor who enjoys talking people into Irish History. Round One!

Tell you how class goes. Can you figure? I only have a class a day, monday through thursday. How cool is that? Bad thiing though, I can't wait for this year to be over. Bad start. Hope yours are a lot better and I also hope everything goes a lot smoother than mine.

why must we always have to make due with shit and a half? sometimes life pisses me off! i can't get a grasp of things. sometimes, i just don't want to. i wonder how everyone is doing. i hope well. that's to be expected. well...well...well? that word just lost all meaning to me.

i bought my books for the semester. won't be able to graduate in december like i hoped. i have to remain here until may. well...well...well! meaning has not returned.

i have to get over myself. i'll be the only one here. that's sad. it figures though. i can't let go. or is it that i have no ambition; no drive? i've come to a conclusion: my masters may be the last for me. this whole thing with getting my doctorate lost all meaning. i'll write my thesis, i'll take my classes and that'll be the end of that. well...well...well!

applied to a couple of jobs that more than likely, won't take me in. my resume sucks and my social skills are lacking. i couldn't even get a job on campus if i wanted to.

Wish everyone luck in their endeavors. Success maybe hard earned, but i have faith in your talents and your knowledge. you'll go far.

Luck to us all.

Sitting on one of the benches on campus, listening to Cibo Matto and a cigarette between my lips. What more can be said. The campus is coming alive as I speak. Actually, it came alive long before I got here. I wanted to download music but it seems that everyone is asleep still.

This weekend was interesting. Birthday, family and sadness. Pain usually goes with all three. Birthdays for me are reminders of my mortality. Family reminds me of the schism that has developed between us. Sadness, well, that's its own pain. Awe, to be cheerful right now. It's not as bad is it sounds. The music has changed to Three Dog Night and later, I'll be happy again. It's amazing how the songs I've chosen for my mp3 player kind of mimics life. There are up beat songs mingled in with sad songs. I actually feel like dancing now. Life, what a trip!

Classes start next week. Still haven't signed out of my "during the day" class. I'd rather have all evening classes. It seems that it would make my life so much easier.

Campus is changing so much. The library has drastically changed. The copy card machines have been replaced by updated systems where students scan their IDs just like at the Parking garage. I still haven't done what I was supposed to. Give me time and I'll accomplish all. Don't loss hope in me.

So, what's new, you ask? Well let me tell you! I need to wash my shoes because I can smell them, and when you can smell shoes, that's pretty much the end of the world for you. It might be my shoes, BUT it might also be my feet. Not sure and actually, come to think of it, I really don't want to know.

I rode my bike up to campus today. I'm starting to think that this smoking is really affecting my physical activity. Matt says that I ride slow. For instance, it took me 50 minutes to come five and a half miles, from moms work to THE MANSION. Anyway, now I'm disappointed with myself for that. Oh well!

I filled out an application for the Activities Center. If I can work the morning hours, that'll give me a reason to work out. I haven't been doing that in a long (year and a half) time. I get headaches and shortness of breath. Then again, that might be the cigarettes again. Either way, I'm screwed.

Downloaded War of the Worlds. Thought it was the 1953 version, but imagine my surprise when I get the latest one. Funny thing is, I almost freaked out because the titles were in Russian. The sound is in English so there really isn't much harm, but every once in a while, it seems that the guy falls asleep or something because the frames close then open, close then open. You probably have no idea what I'm talking about.

My MP3/WMA player ROCKS! HSN has some good stuff. Examples include my camera and now this MP3/WMA player. It holds 256mb and it doesn't just hold music but I can store files on it. WOW! It can also record from its FM option or it's also a voice recorder (I think). Anyway, I bought it because I thought it was cool, not because I thought it was excellent quality.

Gotta go. I'm off in about 30 minutes and I have relatives coming into town.

here at work. doing nothing. actually, i think i just got here. still waiting for a delivery. nothing better to do than sit and wait.

classes haven't started. they start next week. actually, it's next next week. at least i get a rest between now and then.

that evolution thing, i wrote it a couple of months ago. i forgotten that it was saved as a draft. decided to post it, well, because i was bored. still am, but nothing left in the draft box.

still waiting on a delivery.

my cars acting up. that's fine because i have a bike. if need be, i'll ride it to campus. maybe lose some weight while i'm at it. i'm tired of seeing new faces. saw some old ones but not the same.

still waiting on a delivery.
(Matt, make it go faster. you're the ups guy now.)

i hope everyone is having a semi-great summer. i say semi- because summers ussually start to suck right about the beginning of classes. good luck.

Evolution is a wonderous thing. Can you imagine the perfect condition for the primordial ooze to develop into a single cell organism? I guess not, and as a matter of fact, neither can I. We never think about this when we question the existence of God. We always say that God is an idea or doesn't exist, but for something to NOT exist, it must exist before we can say that it doesn't exist. And when it comes to the existence of the idea of God, well, that's a little more ify. An idea is different from reality, what ever that is, and doesn't require a physcial entity to exist. Confusing? Not yet!

Idea's. If that's true and God is nothing more than an idea, then the existence of his idea represents nothing more than a comfort issue where our ancestors needed to beleive that there was something grander to answer for their wrongs or to beleive that something greater than anything they ever thought about watched over them. So, God becomes this mass hollucination, created by man for man to feel safe and secure and unresponsible for their actions. Scary, ain't it?!

Let's get back to evolution. What if human kind took the place of that evidence poeple have been looking for.

The existence of God. Big question. But, what if human kind took the part of evidence? Do you know what kind of environment had to exist, had to persist? Primordial ooze that had the right conditions to develop a cell or what ever was the first thing. Those conditions didn't only have to exist for a time being, but had to persist. Do you realize that if conditions went either direction, too good or too bad, we wouldn't exist. Anyway, Anslem fracked my head. "God is that which nothing greater can be thought." What the hell!

Anyway, before we say that God doesn't exist, doesn't he have to exist before we can say that he doesn't exist? Maybe it's just his idea that we say exists or doesn't exist. If he's just an idea, I guess our ancestors needed some comfort in their existence. They needed to think that someone was watching out for them, or they needed to think that they were not responsible for their actions. Blissfull ignorance, at times, is the greatest thing and taken for granted.



Wow, I'm so going to hell...

I always thought that God placed freshman on Earth to entertain me with their bewildered stares, and their empty looks, but it seems that some were placed on Earth for their use as eye candy. OK, I might have to fix that last statement up. I mean...I was sitting here at the desk while boss ladies helped someone whose voice said they were a freshman. I hadn't turned around yet, so I continued typing in crap and a half into my laptop. As boss ladies searched for the answer to help out this freshman, I turned, LORD AND BEHOLD it was the woman of my dreams. Too much? OK, I'm pretty sure that you know me to over-exaggerate, but this time I am not kidding. Long dark hair, tanned complexion and grey eyes and lets not forget height. I think I'm in love. OK, exaggeration again, but she was gorgeous, to say the least.

Library was packed today. Still is. It seems that people are starting to come out of the woodwork and out into the light. They're like roaches when someone flips on the light switch. One minute, nothing...The next, they scatter.

It got cloudy outside. It also has been thundering. Storms, gotta love'em! They tend to revitalize a world. Storms make everything look fresh. Storms distort your vision when you walk through them. I should say rain distorts your vision. Rain also cools and although rain is synonymous with sadness, it tends to make me smile when I USED to walk in the rain. I think that's pretty much it for me now.

I hate dreams. No, not the kind that involve hopes and asperations, but the kind that involve waking up from. The dream world is so deceiving. It puts our guards down and tells us that the world is huny-dorry only to destroy our equalibrium as soon as we wake up and find out that the world is not better for our dream. I had one of those dreams lately. It's so disconcerting. Anyway, it brought my hopes up and everyone and everything was in its place. I was happy and the world was happy. Then I wake up...
The world around me wasn't happy and I surely wasn't happy. What the...?

Anyway, enough about my dream-capades.

Went to see Hamlet at the Miller outdoor theatre. It was fun and exciting. My cousin invited me and I invited others, including m mom, baby, her mom and the sister. At some point in the night, Soleil got away from me and didn't quit have her footing so she wabbled down the hill. I jumped and grabbed her. THat was about as esciting as I'd wish it to get. She didn't watch the play, but she did wave at just about everything else. Matt and Amanda joined us. Baby doesn't like Matt. It's a love-hate relationship: She loves it when he goes, but hates it when he's around.

Well, got to go...

Matt wanted me give him something interesting to read. So here it goes.

I really don't have anything interesting to write. Still in Houston doing absolutely nothing worth while.

Circ boss lady is leaving, but Matt, you knew that already.

The end

Post Script: If you knew the secrets to the universe, you'd tell me, wouldn't you?