Le livre est fini.
Je fini le livre.
pick one and stick to it.

HOCUS POCUS quotes:

A society that doesn't want to know the truth about itself. It thrives its people on Hocus Pocus, where the education it gains is paramount and everything it does is good, when in reality, it's not.

The book is about nationalistic self-deception. Where there are no wrongs and WE are great, and anyone who says different is branded a criminal. In this type of society, there is an internal "take over" of external forces where society no longer sees the harm it does to itself by allowing itself to self-destruct and implode.

"Now there's a subject for Donahue: people who have eaten people. People who can eat people are the luckiest people in the world."

"I think any form of government, not just Capitalism, is whatever the poeple who have all our money, drunk or sober, sane or insane, decide to do today."

"One man told me that literacy made it a lot more fun for him to masturbate."

"Beer, of course, is actually a depressant. But poor people will never stop hoping otherwise."

"I heard Harley III barking orders at the diggers, telling them to dig deeper and make the sides straighter and so on. I had seen leadership of such high order exercised in Vietnam, and I myself had exhibited it from time to time, so I am quite certain that Harley III had taken some sort of amphetamine."

Hocus Pocus means BullShit.

I finally got the answer from Kurt Vonnegut himself. Actually, I had been wondering what the title of the book (Hocus Pocus) referred to, and finally I got the answer.

The book is good. Then again, I've been on a Vonnegut high ever since I read Slaughter-House Five. On that note, we do learn from T.V. Anyway, Hocus Pocus is a story about a man (Hartke) who is imprisoned, telling a story of how he ended up imprisoned. He takes you on a journey through time where his entire life has been nothing more than extreme circumstances combined together to create life. Wow! We can pretty much say that's the theme of all his works. Except, Tralfamadorians don't come into this book until Chapter 26 (I think). Anywho, Vietnam Vet who becomes a professor at some College filled with "rich" people who can't read or write, with only a Bachelors Degree. Some of their parents must have others read to them. I'm still trying to figure the premise or whatever. Anyway, as soon as I figure out the deal here, I'll let you know.

well, i applied for another job. it's an army surplus store that is about to open up on IH-45. i'm actually worried about it because the last time i worked sales was about 5 years ago, but i didn't like it then. i think it's because i'm anti-social. but, it's an interesting place to work at since i have some experience with army equipment. not enough as an individual with prior service, but a little more than an ordinary person.

anyway, i'm in class right now and gilded age professor is speaking and i'm thinking that i should pay attention. so, bye.

i don't want to be on campus but matt made me come into work because he's bored. now i'm sweaty and we are going to buy a coke from the evil cvs store where, when you enter, your soul never comes out. by now.

well isn't this disappointing, to say the least. we've been bunkered down to fight it out with the storm and we get about a drop of water, exactly. the people east are suffering though. i wish them well. as for me, i just wish we got SOME rain. i'm actually tired of saying, "better safe then sorry". that phrase is to be no longer in my vocabulary. i've lost all faith and respect on the weather moron (Oops! weather people.)

well, it's -36 hours till Rita hits. channel 11 is saying that we are going to be on the "weak" side. channel 13 is saying that Rita is still coming straight for Galveston Bay. anyway, we've taped our windows and we've gathered our water. i say we're prepared, kind of. i say IH 45 before the Counter-Flow was openned. haven't seen it afterward. television is full of traffic and bad news. hope it turns out well. i'm pretty sure houston won't be affected as bad as everyone thinks. i took video of the traffic. it's cool but i can't get anywhere else to take more. i'm sleepy now so i'll go somewhere and find some sleep.

well, it's official. i have set my homepage to www.rr.com. imagine that. i have aol still. hell, it's free. don't know exactly what to do with the RR email. should i pass it out and slowly move from aol to rr? a slow transition. anyway. if there's a way to stay on aol as a homepage. you know, without having to go to aol anywhere, i'll do that. i guess that's a question for the technicians that probably already know my name and address. had some trouble yesterday with the cable service. found out that the kids in the apartments have been playing with the cables (physical cables outside) and pulled oours out of the wall. not completely, mind you, but enough to cause me grief. anyway, the guy came in, looked around, went outside and checked the box. we bantered about rita and how everyone is getting the hell out of dodge. he said everything was supposedly fine but there's no signal from the wall. so he did some investigating while mom and i watched. come to think about it, aside from matt's visit to the library, that was probably to high point in my day. anyway, pulled and tugged at the wall jack and finally had an apiphany. he snipped a cable here, pushed another there and YORIKA, cable again and internet again. he triumphantly stood up, and if he would have been carrying pistols, he would have twirled them and replaced them in their appropriate holsters. it was an awe-inspiring site. all that was missing were his fists on his hips and an, "my work is done here." anyway, you gotta hand it to these guys. it may seem that they don't know what they are doing, but they get the job done. you may have some different stories, but mine have been positive so far.

becareful of rita. it seems that she might head for houston. ALL my friends. not just some; becareful out there. i'd hate to loss any of you to some wild stunts like facing the storm with a cigarette in the mouth and a fist in the air (MATT). let's wait till it passes to shake our fists at it. for now until the end, let's just hold up in some impenatrable fortress, let it go by and slowly crawl out into the fresh air that hurricanes create.

i apologize for my spelling, but as you can tell, it is about 1:30 in the morning and i still haven't finished gilded age supreme court case paper that's due tomorrow. i should have been working on it tonight, but a girl walked in and asked about the russian federal act on counter terrorism. since she was cute, i decided to help. even after she left, i couldn't let my ignorance of the subject get me down. i looked and looked. i checked this and that until i came to some website that supposedly had the fracking thing. problem: it's in russian. now she said she spoke russian and IF it is the document, i printed it out and if there is a god, i'll conviniently pump into her sometime tomorrow while i coincidently wait for her the entire day on campus. and i'll pull the document out of my page and say, "i think this is the start of a wonderful relationship." actaully, it'll be nothing like that because, although god does exist, he's too busy laughing at me to let that happen. anyway, good night to all. REMEMBER, be safe for the next 96+ hours. with any luck, i won't have to retrieve you from some tree in oklahoma (MATT)!!! No trees, matt. JUST SAY NO!

turns out that i can't write my supreme court thingie cause in my haste to leave my dwelling before work, i left the template at home, so i don't know how to write the paper. call me thoughtless and irresponsible.

i'm such a bad son. i'm grumpy and all my mom wants to do is help, but since i'm such a bastard, i snap because i decide to stay awake for grotesque amounts of time at a time. what they hell was it even for? i mean, i got nothing useful done. i still have to work on that damn supreme court case for gilded age. i still haven't even finished reading that damn book. public opinion in america (class) is not what i expected, nor is love and death. it seems that everything is shitty this semester and to top it all off, i can't consentrate on one thing at a time because my mind keeps racing. i even think i started having chest pains. jeez!!!! i can't get on the ball because...oh yeah...i broke andy's bed (sitting on it, nothing more). fixed it of course but now i'm self conscious all over again. self esteem is such a prick. i really can't do anything right, can i!? anyway, my STITCH here in life is just to make myself, and those around me, miserable. come wednsday, gilded age professor will ram that quiz up my exhaust pipe and drop me from his class under the pretense that i'm too stupid to teach and any effort from him will be a waste of time and intelligence, and that if i continue to attend, the environment will be negatively affected and the universe will cease to exist.

WOW, i've never been that harsh with my self, on a conscious level before. anyway, i think i'm still sleepy. i skipped my public opinion class because...well...no damn reasonable excuse. sitting in that class is like listening to someone scratch chalkboard. i'm starting to think it's just me. it's really not my classes or my life, but i'm in one of those slumps that i just can't control right now. i'll figure it out. i just need to put my mind into ONE thing at a time and not worry about the whole lot. for instance, right after this, i'll work on the supreme court case. that's all, no more no less.

i started reading HOCUS POCUS by Vonnegut. i've never said this about a book before, but it's relazing. i'll save it for down time.

rule #1:
don't listen to sigur ros when you haven't slept in over 24 hours.

my mind is swimming.

what makes a human human? if it's the mind, and the mind doesn't pay attention to reality anymore, what happens to the human? what if the body losses all meaning? what if everything losses all meaning?

too many bells in sigur ros. stop with the ching-a-ling ing...

so i'm sitting here at my cluttered desk. the negotiator is on t.v. behind me. i've been dowloading none-stop since i got the router working. i think i only stopped when mom and i went to the mall.

it's pretty cool, but someone once told me that once i had the internet at home, i'd get bored of it quickly. ain't that the truth. there's nothing for me to look for in here right now. then again, it is almost 3 in the morning. it's not like i really need to find something on the internet right at this moment. i DID renew public library books online. i thought that was cool. still, it IS almost 3 in the morning and i'm up.

i have way too much to do in order for me not to be doing anything at all. i guess i'll try working on something again. or i can also read HOCUS POCUS, by Kurt Vonnegut. i finally got another one of his books. that makes, four in all. i'm tempted to buy a signed edition of SIRENS OF TITAN. i wish i could find a signed SLAUGHTER HOUSE FIVE. it was the first book i ever read by him. anyway, enough of my rambling.

I HAVE WIRELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok, so, it's a little troublesome. i'm trying to set up my wireless router thingie and it doesn't seem to want to cooperate with me. i'm about to the bottom of my last penny in patience. so it says that it will take 3 minutes but it's actually taking longer. doesn't matter. i'm at home, i'm on my laptop on high speed internet, baby!!!!

wish me luck. i'm about to start the process all over again.

Cheers Darlin'
Damien Rice

Cheers Darlin'.
Here's to you, and your loverboy.
Cheers Darlin'.
I got years to wait around for you.
Cheers Darlin'.
I got your wedding bells in my ear.
Cheers Darlin'.
You gave me three cigarettes to smoke my tears away.

I...die, when you mention his name.
I...lie, I should have kissed you when we were running in the rain.
What am I,Darlin'?
Whisper in your ear; A piece of your cake.
What am I, Darlin'?
A boy you can fear; your biggest mistake.

Cheers Darlin'.
Here's, to you and your loverman.
Cheers Darlin'.
I just hang around, eat from a can.
Cheers Darlin'.
I got a ribbon of green off my guitar.
Cheers Darlin'.
I got a beauty queen to sit not very far from me.

I...die, when he comes around to take you home.
I...too shy, I should have kissed you when we were alone.

What am I, darlin'?
A whisper in your ear; a piece of your cake.
What am I, darlin'?
A boy you can fear, or your biggest mistake.

WHAT AM I?
Here's to you and your loverboy.
What AM I?
Cheers Darlin'
I got tears to take down for you.

Cannonball
Damien Rice

Still a little bit of your taste in my nouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt.
Still a little bit hard to say, what's going on.

Still a little bit of your ghost; your witness.
Still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed.
You step a little closer, each day, that I can't say what's going on.

Stones, taught me to fly.
Love, taught me to lie.
Life, taught me to die.
So it's not hard to fall, when you float like a cannonball.

Still a little bit of your song, in my ear.
Still a little bit of your words, I long to hear.
You step a little closer to me, so close that I can't see what's going on.

Stones, taught me to fly.
Love, taught me to lie.
Life, taught me to die.
So it's not hard to fall, when you float like a cannon...
Stones, taught me to fly.
Love, taught me to cry.
So come on courage, teach me to be shy.
Cause it's not hard to fall, and I don't want to scare her.
It's not hard to fall, and I don't want to lose.
It's not hard to grow.
When you know that you just don't know.

i knew the answer to today's quiz, but couldn't think. i can't beleive that i blew it that bad. it was a simple deduction of information. i'm actually stupid right now. i wish i was as smart as the people in class. i'm going to get an email from teacher. i can feel it coming. and he wanted me to get an A!?

the exorcism of emily rose was a pretty good movie. gave you two aspects of interpretation: religious and scientific. anyway, good movie, none the less.

happy note- i'm officially getting roadrunner aol saturday. i called asking about wireless because the modem is in mom's room and more than likely, the rest of the crap is going to be in there also. anyway, getting back on subject, they told me that it would be extra expensive, but that if i wanted to do it myself, i could, they just wouldn't install it for me. well, that got the brain working. i guess that all i need is one of those wireless modems that you find at fry's electronics. either way, quit possibly, i'll get a big check this friday and i'll be paying a visit to fry's. maybe there's someone there who can help me through it.

i've noticed that someone there in the apartments has wireless because after midnight, because a window on my laptop pops up telling me that there's a secure wireless network. bastards! they should share. i'll probably share. hell, if it wasn't for sharing, matt wouldn't have had free access when he lived in a populated area, instead out there where people still haven't developed societies. just a historical joke, matt.

well, i'm tired of typing now. i guess i'll get back to doing nothing before class. wish me luck.

quasi-scholastic questions.
what does that mean?
i see the face now, every where i am and was.
what does that say about me?
am i truly horrible, terrible and all the other verbs, adjectives or whatever?
i feel i am.
i'm dangerous, delusional and damaged.
dilapidated and derived from a lost destiny.
what i search for is what i gave up so long ago.
such so, that i can't remember exactly the way or reason it happened.
it just did.
a predator that preys on innocence and ponders nothing.
i no longer see through dualistic eyes, but through the instinctual senses that were out dated and devilish at the creation of the social structure.
what am i if not human because to be human one must be humane.
i forgotten what that all means.

Damn Matt! I'm almost through my pack of cigarettes. I've been chain smoking ever since I got on campus today. My lungs are starting to hurt. Actually, they've been hurting since last night. My laptop is almost out of juice. I had to download music outside today. My fault. OOOoor, I can blame Matt. That's it, Matt's fault.

blinded by the chatter of the silent and still. the noise keeps coming from below, only to be drowned out by the atrocious concotion of the brain. the images of past lives flash in endless frames as the music from the other room plays the dirge that was written before birth, and commenced as we began to suckle.

the voices guide, the screams frighten, the cries guilt us into becoming what we feared to become. it wasn't as if we didn't see it coming. we saw it a mile away. it landed in our laps and caressed our wet cheeks and closed our eyes and ears so the pain could subside. it never did. it was all an illusion. a happy diversion from our emotions and sensations.

they tell us that we are what we were envisioned to be. Envisioned by an immortal with no contact with my domain. defeat; imminent. chaos and distruction are among the first to arrive in the mist of thunder and rage. blinded by chaos and muted by thunder, fighting seems to be the last thing to do.

i had to check that it wasn't a hallucination that walked in the class. Oh, my.

Outside the library window

have you ever spied an insecure individual from afar? it's an odd question, i guess. it's strange to see the fear in the eyes and the yearning for security in their glances. finally, you see the sudden shot of relief as their eyes meet and they begin to have a connection.

beautiful story. just something i was watching when i wasn't downloading music. waiting...waiting...waiting. sorry it wasn't the right person, kiddo. he walks away, leaving her behind with her insecurities and her yearning.

life sucks...then you get a job...and it all goes down hill from there.