Hey, guess where I'm seated? No, guess again.
Behind Circulation desk, that's where!!! Anyway, I'm unofficially working as a CIRC desk person. I thought it would be fun, but guess again. I've had at least two rude people and two hard questions. MAN, how do you two do it Matt and Em-J? I need your secret. Is it alcohol based? Is it drug induced? I need to know because I'll be here for the next three hours alone and I'm scared. Next time I think you guys have it easy, I'll beat myself with a stick until I come to my senses. Anyway, you deserve "props". Now, I have to get back to sleep. I have a hard night ahead of me. I need to be prepared.

Move with the lightning.
Alienate your enemies minds.
Tango with the best of them.
Turn to and run head long.

And there it went, what lies beneath.
Not without the support of crazed minds.
Don't listen to the voices in your head.
Yell if you must, but be kind.

End notes are better.
Meager little alphabets that mean gibberish.
Integrity that rises to the crest of the hill.
Little do they know that I'm a dangerous fellow.
Yet, I'm still passive agressive.

So, how has everyone liked the weather for the passed two days and nights? I hope you've all enjoyed it very much. I tend to think of this time of year as couple time. The cool air only makes snuggling all that much more pleseant. Anyway, I was driving to work at 3:30pm and I drove by a young couple holding hands and walking. It didn't seem as if they had any particular place to go, but they looked like they were enjoying the walk. I thought it was a lovely sight. I don't know what happens to me around this time. Maybe I'm just bi-polar and I have my up's and down's. I just like to see people happy.

I got tired of always complaining so I didn't want to bit*h on this post but it seems that I ended up at the opposite end and I sound too mushy. Sorry everyone, I guess it's just one of those "up" moments.

Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year. I may not post for a while because of the papers I tend to put off to the end and the Final Exams I have to prepare for. Happy Hunting.

It's Sunday everyone. Can you beleive that the week is about to start all over again? And already I can't wait for it to end. Funny, isn't it? Anyway, My weekend went all down hill after Friday. Friday was the only fun part about it. Saturday and today was just a blur. I'm really not productive. Won't suger coat it. I have procrastinated all this weekend and I won't say I didn't enjoy not doing anything. It was the best part of the whole damn weekend. Anyway, now I have to get back to work and do the things I should have done yesterday.

I was telling Andy last night that DLC was the first group of friends since Elementary that I had over to my place. Sorry for the semi-movie night. Next time instead of having all the movies out, I'll just pick a few and we can choose from them. I just couldn't make up my mind last night. I apologize for the lack of "good" movies. I've been informed that my collection is lacking. I'll need to make my video stash a little more extensive so if anyone has suggestions, please feel free to leave a "shout out".

Well, that was it guys. My dwelling. My locale. My humble abode. I hope you enjoyed.

I missed todays Rugby game. Problems with my car. Not to worry, fixed and running. Instead of writing my speech and writing papers and doing research, I decided to fix my car. Lucky me. You see, I was fustrated because when it shits, it pours. [Actually, when it rains it pours but I'm just showing what my fustration was like this morning.] Anyway, I didn't wait for the car to cool down because I was, well, angry. Anyway, I burned myself, cut myself and all kinds of mess. Now, I feel better and I'm about to take off to Starbucks to pull an all nighter. Talk later.

Oh, the rash of feelings in my chest. The pain sucks up misery like water. The heart...What heart? The emptiness I feel takes nothing into consideration. No joy...No laughter...No smiles. This empty chamber of the soul pulses with life of the other. The pain she brings imitates life within me. The joy, the laughter, the smiles from her I reciprocate. I mimic them not for my denial, but their acceptance. Where there is nothing, she creates a tapestry of lights, colors and songs.

Well, well, well... I've been researching for my last speech and it'll be the worst one I've ever given. Note to everyone, I'm not an orator. I'm just an anti-social kind of guy. My speech is a persuasive one. It's on making Basic Training a requirement after high school. It's only a month and a half and it'll instill self-esteem, which everyone needs to have. I think it's a good idea, but several prior service people and cadre don't think so. They beleive it's only for a select few that can hack military life. I agree with that but I also beleive that it would beuild character for anyone that took basic training. I look at them and they seem pretty centered and contious of their lives. A little stressed, but consider having a job, school work load and military activity and you'd know what they have to deal with. I don't know. I guess I just had to come up with something fast because "Stupid Me" raised his hand up to give it the first day. I'm number 2 that day. Last one went completely bad. So, I'm kind of worried about this subject. "Did I pick a good and short subject?" "Did I research enough and not too much?" Sh*t like that creeps in my brain. I know that rhetoric is my enemy but I'm actually worried about making a fool out of myself. I actually, for one time out of all three speeches, want to give a good speech. I want to get a standing ovation and pats on the back and I want people to cry because I was the best. I have a philosophy paper due the day after the speech on Augustine's "Christian Doctrine" and a presentation in Archaeology. But then again, my life for the next 6 months is going to drive me crazy. May...May...15th of May...What if I disappoint people? What...What if I can't hack it? I never thought that I ran my own course. For the passed couple of years I've been in the passenger seat, going where I was taken. I comforted myself by saying that everything I went through in life was to get me here to this point. I've been evaluating my life and I'm wondering that this is the end of the road. I'm not sure if I'm ready for anything else. I'm not sure of anything anymore. I never was to begin with, but I had three years in front of me. Now, those three years are behind me and I never thought I would make it this far. I thought about the army every morning during PT but that was taken away. I just wasn't dedicated enough. Now, I feel like a loser around the cadets, I just don't let them know. They gave so much and I wanted to give back, but it seemed what I gave wasn't enough. I'm scared to think that what they think is that I gave up. I didn't! I guess I wasn't good enough. I accept that. Don't get me wrong. I've accepted a lot in my life, a lot of which I wish I could forget but from what the Cadre gave, I absorbed with a passion. Supposedly I have leadership quality. Master Sergeant tells me that all the time. I don't feel it. I think I'm just drawn to people with that quality and it makes it seem like I'm the one that has it becuase of association. My class work, no matter how difficult and how much bitching I did I loved every assignment because it made me think. Wrong or right, I learned. I've met interesting people that wouldn't have given me the time or day any other way. I guess I had a lot to say tonight. I have "The Doors" playing in my head, you know, This is the end. What's next? Maybe it's just that turning point where everyone thinks about their past in order to see how it has played out. Psychologically, everyone, just before a big moment like graduation, tends to take stock on their lives to try to see a pattern. I guess I'm doing mine now. Stock on all the bad and good things in order to see if the good out weigh the bad and if anything in my past can prepare me for the future. I'm scared as hell. I don't care what I do. That's not the scarey part. The scarey question is, "will I be prepared?" 26 and I still feel childish. Not something employers want to hear. History, not much out there but teaching. Not even certified to teach, so the only thing left is substituting. Not enough to make a living. Do you think I've written enough???

I see.
I saw a tree among others.
Different in its right, but like the rest.
It stands small, but proud.
His neighbors, tall and large, overshadow his existence.
Undaunted he stands his ground.
He waits.
He waited for the sign.
The Sun was to come up and shine on him alone.
Those around him taunted him for such a belief, but unwavered, he waited to see his destiny unfold.
It comes.
It came in the morning.
A day like all the rest, only difference was in the feeling it caused.
It came like a silent storm.
It wrestled its rays passed the fathers and brothers and found the single tree.
The other.
The other ray only he could see was as bright as his own.
He knew what it meant but he know that he wasn't meant to see, only feel.
For a tree, to feel is the ultimate pleasure.
Surrounded by many and being alone, he know exactly what pain it gave.
But now, he knew he was not alone.
Forever to feel two where once stood one.

"No one knows what it's like to be the bad man,
To be the sad man, behind blue eyes...
No one bites back as hard on their anger,
and none of my pain, can show through.
But my dreams they aren't as empty.
As my conscious seems to be.
I have hours, only lonely..." Limp Bizkit

There's a garden in the shadow of a tree, choked by sadness and gloom.
There's rainfall that caresses the pedals at dawn, but not enough to care.
A guardian sits alone in a corner wondering when to make the garden ready.
When should they come?
How should they feel?

The Sun rises slowly to its climax without knowledge of what it should accomplish.
It sees below only green leaves on the trees covering the garden.
It sees not the garden.
The Sun reaches out for the trees and gives them life, but do they pass it on?
When should they come?
How should they feel?

The garden waits for the Sun, for the trees, for the guardian.
The emptiness overflows it with sadness.
The guardian stands, the leaves move away and the Sun says, "Ah, there you are?"
How should they feel?

Neewollah was great fun! The costumes were great, especially, well, everyone. I danced some which I haven't done in a while. I drank some and that I've done often. I didn't expect Lisa to dance with me. I would have figured that she'd come up with some excuse but I was shocked when we ended up on the dance floor/porch. Too bad I waited so long to ask her to dance. I think it was the alcohol. Just kidding, I didn't drink that much. I wouldn't let myself do that again. Her costume was cool. She had devils horns on and she was in a blood red dress. Paul said that I should ask the people dressed in devils costumes to "Tempt me". She was the first person I thought of.

Before we got to Neewollah, we had a horror movie night at Andy's. DLC was back together again. It's been a while. Anyway, we interrupted Andy, Carlos and Girlfriend's watching "A Clockwork Orange" and forced them to succumb to watching "Thirteen Ghosts" and "The Ring". Sorry Em-J, I had to scare you. Candelario helped Mary put the finishing touches on her costume. She looked cool. Matt went as a Semi-Monk (I think), Em-J went as "A girl from Angleton", David went as "A Tennis Pirate", Candelario went as Clark Kent's super ego(Meaning, we wore his clothes with a superman t-shirt underneath. Andy and I went as the scariest beings ever; ourselves. Well, from then on you should know the story. Neewollah was great.